Mysterious loss of attraction.

What do you do when you have affection and eroticism, but not attraction? Tonight I have a date with a very, very, very nice girl, an ex-girlfriend from out of town. Great body. When we were dating, she'd do anything sexually for me -- literally anything. Insane blowjobs, and if you've gleaned anything about my personality, that's central to my psyche. I mean, you asked, and she did it, absolutely no issues.

The problem is that I am just not attracted to her all that much any more. I just can't explain it. She's petite, gives loud slurpy bjs with just gallons of saliva everywhere -- i.e., perfect -- and was more than happy to have facials or swallow or whatever I want. One of the only two or three girls out of several dozen who have blown me who can get me off without any effort on my part (with most girls I end up finishing the job for them, with my hand, or at least helping them). Absolutely fine with me taking pictures or videos for my later viewing pleasure (I do that with most girlfriends; the coolest ones don't mind at all, the less cool ones can't get there).

But the attraction has waned so very much. I don't understand it. I am sure I will be expected to whip out a super hard bone tonight, but I dunno, we'll see what happens. I'm kind of nervous about it to tell you the truth. It doesn't have that crazy erotic bond any more that is so damned good.

Is it as simple as, your brain isn't interested when the challenge is gone? I mean she is a good friend, for no particular reason I don't want her as a lover these days, even though she's state-of-the-art sex-wise. I could spend hours and hours in her company, just not having sex. Anything like this ever happen, where attraction just fades for no definable reason?

Deepthroating. Oh ya.

So few girls can really deepthroat. I mean the whole bone. There is no cock visible at all when it is fully down the throat. What an amazing thing. In, what, maybe 30 girls who have sucked my cock over the years, three could fully deepthroat it. The loud noises it makes are such a turn-on. What's wierd is how much it increases the erotic bond. It must be like there are chemicals produced in your body -- I mean other than the sperm -- in response to super-erotic acts. Nothing like just absolutely fucking her esophagus and then snuggling up ever so tenderly. Contrasting things are good.

I remember one of these girls really getting off on it. She once said she got a sort of power trip out of the whole thing. It's like "look what I can do! I betcha I can bring you to your knees!" And it's true.

The real problem is that once you have been properly deepthroated, with gallons of saliva and the hottest possible sounds, it's really difficult to go back to regular blowjobs. I recently had a date with a cute lil' thang who gave the worst bjs. She barely got the head into her mouth, and just kind of stuck her tongue down the peehole. Cute, but no way you're getting me off like that, girl! It made me miss the girlfriend before ever so much. Just a shattering feeling of missing!!!

Nonchalant facials.

One thing that is wierd about me, and is now basically ingrained in who I am, is that I always do facials. I think after years of this, it's ingrained. I bet I have given 1,000 facials. If there is any chance that the girl does not want me to cum inside her, I will blithely pull it out and let fly all over her face without a second thought. So far I haven't been slapped or anything. But there has been some surprise voiced -- not one girl I've dated has ever done this before. No one seems to mind it as it isn't at all disrespectful. Just habitual. A perfect gentleman who jizzes on pretty faces on a regular basis. Go figure.

Thoughts on slut faces and slut clothes, so called.

One commentator (http://thegloss.com/sex-and-dating/the-misanthropologist-is-slut-face-a-thing/) wonders if it’s possible to broadcast that one is a slut without really adorning oneself like a slut.

I don’t like this from the word go. Isn’t it a free country? But I mean to try to parse it.

What does it mean to “dress like a slut”? BTW, this is a conversation about communicating stuff through what you wear… not about morality, promiscuity, randomly deepthroating large cocks or refraining from same. That’s better addressed by someone who cares.

Yup, yup, free country. Hold on … wait … tramp stamps, lucite heels, long obviously fake nails, lewd T-shirts … hmmmm … these are all pretty obvious visual markers indicating… something.

But I’m not sure this is a matter of being a slut. It’s just plain old bad taste.

After all, there are countless ways to dress in a manner that’s sexually suggestive without being overt and to attract attention from the opposite sex at the same time.

I like surprises. For a few weeks a couple of years ago, I dated a girl who could not have been nicer or more considerate. She generally wore very modest outfits and came from an extremely conservative family. However I noticed she never, ever wore any underwear, whether with business attire, short dresses, shorts, etc. When I asked her about it, she just matter-of-factly said that she just did not like panties, period. Fair enough! I thought it was a cute idiosyncracy.

I think it’s important to distinguish what it means to dress for yourself and to dress for other people, and I think somewhere in there lies the answer to the question of whether or not it’s reasonable for people to draw a stupid conclusion like whether or not you get inseminated by lots of different men.

I don’t find it hard to believe that a girl could honestly dress for herself and come off looking like a so-called slut.

So I guess, yeah, you can dress like a slut, but that doesn’t mean you are one. And people who assume anything are being pretty doggone lazy. What you should do is dress for yourself. Perhaps what you see in the mirror is a turn-on. I have known girls who wore hot outfits on their nights in, all alone, for no other reason than that they enjoyed doing so. Perhaps you don’t give a damn what people think, and are dressing up solely to turn on your significant other. I’ve certainly had many girls do that for me, and assuming the circumstances warrant (i.e., we’re not going to church or meeting my stepmother), I usually really appreciate it and bask in the glow. It kind of creates a subtle chemical buzz that says, I like you, I am aware of you, now let’s go have some fun. If people get confused because they’re being lazy, misogynistic or just plain dumb, well, fuck ’em.

Save the clear heels though. I am going back home if you show up with them on.

The Sweetness of the New

Why is that very first moment of exploration with a brand new girlfriend so intense? The heart goes pitter-patter for sure...

The Bubble Effect

What is it about having great chemistry with someone, that you often feel like you're in a bubble with them, and even though you're both in the world it's as if a membrane or cocoon had formed around you both, and your private loving and erotic bond is all that you're aware of? I was thinking about what this implies in terms of alternative realties.

Why do we save our best behavior for our coworkers and not our closest friends and loved ones? Perhaps we forget. Once the ties are gone, Blackberries turned off, email logged out of and laser pointers pocketed, where are we to go? Suddenly, we regard our time differently, creating a separation of self, a personal divide between the who we are at home versus at work. A fragmented self, even if the two halves aren't working against one another, is a funny yet, in my life at least, all-too-common thing.

Thinking about it, very, very few people get to see both sides of me and a person on one side would have a hard time seeing the other somethimes. I fancy myself as someone who could take a girl to a wonderful Beethoven symphony wearing white tie, then go home and fuck her until my balls ran dry and her body was filled with sperm, then go back out the next day and return to my usual Uber-Dork existence. But it's not always that easy. In myself I sometimes feel like there are two different people who once in a while meet (say while peeing in the shower...) and then go their separate ways.

What's going on here? Do you feel like you are two different people sometimes? Or is it just a healthy, fun version of the "work hard, play hard" ethos? Does really getting your groove on behind closed doors allow you to go face the music the next day with even more professionalism and poise? ... whatcha think, people?

Sex, Love, and Affection